We're okay! A more uplifting entry...

I’m feeling a little guilty about publishing my last entry, as lots of people have texted or phoned me to check that I’m okay. So, just in case anyone’s worried, yes, motherhood’s been hard so far, but it’s also been amazing and I’m still treasuring all the special moments. Amelia’s worth every tear (of which there aren’t actually that many…)!

To make up for my previous post, here’s an extra positive one:

Last week, Great Grandpa came to stay. We had a wonderful time!

Great Grandpa spent lots of time entertaining Amelia and doing odd jobs around the house. Amelia was all smiles with Great Grandpa here!

At the moment I’m borrowing Mum’s car. It’s made such a difference to our week. We try to get out and about as much as possible anyway, but we’ve been able to pack a lot more into each day. It’s been great!

On Monday, we went to Tesco. This doesn’t sound very exciting, but I’ve resented having to wait at home for our groceries to be delivered, and I prefer being able to pick things out myself! We then went for a little drive around Farnborough.

On Tuesday, we went to church for tea and cake. There were lots of young children there, so it’ll be especially nice to go to these ‘meet and greet’ afternoons when Amelia’s old enough to play. Everyone was very friendly and I’m looking forward to going to a service there when we next have a free weekend in our hometown!

On Wednesday, we went to Southampton to visit Auntie Becca and RJ. We’d not seen Auntie Becca for ages.

On Thursday, we walked to our morning baby group as normal where Amelia also got weighed. She's now over a stone! We quickly walked home to grab some lunch before driving to Basingstoke to see Jaz – an old friend from choir – and her two little ones. We went to Jaz’s baby music group, then back to hers for a play date. It was a lovely afternoon and the singing and dancing was so much fun. Thanks Jaz!

Today, we went to Tesco again, but only because we’ve got an exciting weekend of visitors lined up. Luckily Amelia loves being in the trolley and watching the world go by:

It’s also useful to have a car to get Amelia to sleep quickly if I need to. Organising naps is like organising a military operation! Amelia normally only stays awake for 1.5 to 2.5 hours, which means she needs three to four naps a day. However, depending on what time she wakes up for the day and whether she naps for 30 minutes or 45 minutes each time, I often find myself trying to force in a nap before her bedtime. As Amelia’s bedtime is 7pm, if she wakes up from her second or third nap before 4pm, she needs to have another before I put her down for the night! It’s a bit of a nightmare. It’ll be nicer when she can stay awake for longer without getting too grouchy.

Amelia's getting stronger by the day:

and cuter by the day:

The reason she's wearing a hat in all these photos is because she keeps scratching her head at the moment! She's either itching her cradle cap or thinking very hard...

Life with a baby: my therapy

I feel like I’ve had a tough few weeks: we’ve all been ill, I’ve been more emotional than usual, and we’re all a little sleep deprived.

I’m writing this entry as a kind of therapy. On my journey of motherhood so far, two things have struck me: it’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be (but, as my mum often asks me, “who told you it’d be easy?!”) and all other mothers seem to cope better than me. I love looking after Amelia and I can’t remember what my life was like without her, but the past five months have been very emotional! I can’t pinpoint what it is that upsets me some days, but I’ve now learned that it’s okay to cry sometimes.

New mothers don’t talk about their feelings enough. It hasn’t been until recently when I’ve told a few friends how hard I’ve been finding motherhood, that I’ve realised they felt the same when their little ones were Amelia’s age! When I look at all my friends who have had babies, or other mothers at my baby groups, they always look so calm and happy and well kept. I’m very happy – blissfully, of course – but I keep thinking to myself I’m sure no one else finds it this hard if they’ve got time to do their hair and make up. They do though! I (and I’m sure most other new mothers) imagined that as soon as Amelia was in my arms, every day would be perfect and no matter how much she cried, I’d cope. I absolutely love her unconditionally, but some days I certainly don’t feel like I can cope brilliantly, as I expected I would! I’ve always wanted to be a mother – for as long as I can remember – but that hasn’t made it any easier.

I thank God every day for dear little Amelia, as Mark and I have been incredibly blessed, and know that for every few bad days there always comes one truly wonderful day. However, I've learned that it is okay to admit that motherhood is difficult; no one will judge you, because it’s definitely the hardest job in the world! The hardest job in the world is certainly the best job in the world though...

I've tried to include as many of Amelia's different facial expressions as possible!

February resolutions

I’m very bad at keeping my New Year’s resolutions, so I’ve decided that this year I’ll post them on my blog and then I’ll feel especially rubbish if I don’t stick to them, as everyone will know that I’ve failed.  I know it’s now February, but I’ve been giving them a lot of thought and wanted to only make resolutions that were actually realistic!

Amelia

1. Read a book every week day

2. Go swimming at least once every two months

3. Go on a walk every week

4. Have a day out with Daddy at least once every two months

5. Go to the zoo

6. Sing more nursery rhymes

7. Listen to more music

8. Join at least one more baby group. At the moment, we go to one on Thursday mornings and do baby massage classes on Wednesday afternoons

Mark

1. Go on a date at least once every two months (once I’ve stopped feeding Amelia!)

2. Spend one of Amelia’s nap times resting instead of trying to cram housework/cooking/cleaning/crafting in, so that I’ve got more energy to have a conversation or play a game with Mark when he gets home

3. Mark wanted me to add that he is going to get into shape. I'd also like to say that he'll finish the bed this year, but I think that's a little optimistic!

Me

1. Lose two stone

2. Make more of an effort with my hair and clothes. I’ve really let myself go recently!

Around the house

1. Sort out all the wardrobes and cupboards, as we seem to have accumulated a lot of paraphernalia over the years

2. Keep on top of the ironing

3. Clear out the conservatory (which is currently a complete mess)

4. Clean properly. At the moment I clean around everything!

5. Cook at least one new recipe every fortnight, as I’ve become very unadventurous recently

Other

1. Make at least one item using a sewing machine

2. Go clubbing! I used to hate clubbing, but ever since Amelia was born I’ve had an irrepressible urge to go dancing. Would anyone like to come with me?

3. Take more photos

4. Display more photos

5. Go to church more often. I'm ashamed to say I've become quite lazy recently

6. Meet up with friends more often

7. Keep a prayer book

8. Do something for charity

I'll post how I'm getting on halfway through the year!

In other news, Amelia is growing FAST. I can't believe how big she is now! Here's a photo of her in hospital:

and at two weeks old:

and this week:

I can't believe it!

Beauty and my Beast

It turns out that playing ‘Tale as Old as Time’ from Beauty and the Beast helps Amelia get to sleep at night. We have to have it on repeat for about an hour at full volume – which has already started to get annoying – but she eventually drifts off with minimal fuss. Hooray! This is GREAT news, since it’s been taking Mark and I a couple of hours to get her to sleep some nights, and this way she doesn’t get too worked up either. I’m not sure if it’s Celine Dion or the song that comforts Amelia, but I don’t want to try anything else out while it works! It’s funny I happened to pick this song too, since Mark calls her his ‘mini beast’ because of her muffin top and thunder thighs (sorry Amelia).

With Amelia only ever sleeping for 30 minutes at a time, I’ve come to accept that the bungalow will always be a mess. All I can say is it'd be A LOT worse without a dishwasher. I’m pretty good at keeping on top of the washing, but the ironing hardly ever gets done! This is my current ironing pile:

I made a start on it today while watching This Morning (what has my life become?!), but only managed to iron three shirts before Amelia woke up. Poor Mark will be going to work in creased shirts soon if I don’t get a move on…

Here’s a photo of Amelia and Daddy:

and one of the three of us:

She's so cute:

Amelia's favourite things

At the moment, Amelia has three favourite things.

Her tummy time toy:

Bath time:

And, of course, her blue and pink friend:

We're still here!

A belated Happy 2013 to everyone. I’ve not been able to get to my laptop for a while as Amelia’s been a bit of a handful so far this year! It seems she’s become so used to sleeping next to me during the day she now doesn’t want to sleep in her crib at night either, and so it's taken us over two hours to get her to sleep some nights these past few weeks. HOWEVER, today, she had all three naps in her crib in her room and it only took us 20 minutes to get her to sleep this evening. Hooray! Her naps only lasted 30 minutes each time, and so by the time bed time came around she was pretty exhausted, but still, I feel we’ve made lots of progress. I’m looking forward to being able to do some housework and other fun things tomorrow!

Amelia is growing up so fast. This week, we were playing on our tummies and she rolled onto her back all by herself. I think it was quite hard work for her though, as she seemed a bit out of it for a few minutes afterwards.

Now that she can hold herself up a bit better, we’ve been trying her out in the baby bouncer Seaside Grandma bought her for Christmas:

This photo was taken about a minute before she was sick all over herself, the bouncer and the carpet.

We’ve been reading to Amelia since she was two weeks old, but she’s now starting to listen to the stories and look at the pictures:

I don’t know if she knows what’s going on, but she seems entertained now when we read to her!

I can’t figure out how to rotate these photos, but here’s Amelia with her favourite toy again:

I can’t wait to show her this when she’s (much) older!

Amelia's also been trying to grab her rattle this week:

We're so proud of her!

I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night...

Something exciting happened tonight: Amelia went straight to sleep as soon as I put her to bed. She didn’t even wimper! It also means that Mark and I have a WHOLE evening together. Hooray!

In other news, Amelia has become obsessed with the television:

It’s one way to calm her down when she gets in a pickle at least, but I don’t want her to get square eyes! During the day, when we’re not listening to music, I like to keep the television on as background noise, as I’m hoping it’ll encourage her to sleep more deeply. I may need to re-think this now though!

She also enjoys being in the ‘throne position’. She loves being carried around anyway, but especially likes being carried like this, so that she can look around:

When Mark took Amelia for her second set of injections this week, the nurse found it very funny that this position stopped her crying afterwards!

What a princess.