We're okay! A more uplifting entry...

I’m feeling a little guilty about publishing my last entry, as lots of people have texted or phoned me to check that I’m okay. So, just in case anyone’s worried, yes, motherhood’s been hard so far, but it’s also been amazing and I’m still treasuring all the special moments. Amelia’s worth every tear (of which there aren’t actually that many…)!

To make up for my previous post, here’s an extra positive one:

Last week, Great Grandpa came to stay. We had a wonderful time!

Great Grandpa spent lots of time entertaining Amelia and doing odd jobs around the house. Amelia was all smiles with Great Grandpa here!

At the moment I’m borrowing Mum’s car. It’s made such a difference to our week. We try to get out and about as much as possible anyway, but we’ve been able to pack a lot more into each day. It’s been great!

On Monday, we went to Tesco. This doesn’t sound very exciting, but I’ve resented having to wait at home for our groceries to be delivered, and I prefer being able to pick things out myself! We then went for a little drive around Farnborough.

On Tuesday, we went to church for tea and cake. There were lots of young children there, so it’ll be especially nice to go to these ‘meet and greet’ afternoons when Amelia’s old enough to play. Everyone was very friendly and I’m looking forward to going to a service there when we next have a free weekend in our hometown!

On Wednesday, we went to Southampton to visit Auntie Becca and RJ. We’d not seen Auntie Becca for ages.

On Thursday, we walked to our morning baby group as normal where Amelia also got weighed. She's now over a stone! We quickly walked home to grab some lunch before driving to Basingstoke to see Jaz – an old friend from choir – and her two little ones. We went to Jaz’s baby music group, then back to hers for a play date. It was a lovely afternoon and the singing and dancing was so much fun. Thanks Jaz!

Today, we went to Tesco again, but only because we’ve got an exciting weekend of visitors lined up. Luckily Amelia loves being in the trolley and watching the world go by:

It’s also useful to have a car to get Amelia to sleep quickly if I need to. Organising naps is like organising a military operation! Amelia normally only stays awake for 1.5 to 2.5 hours, which means she needs three to four naps a day. However, depending on what time she wakes up for the day and whether she naps for 30 minutes or 45 minutes each time, I often find myself trying to force in a nap before her bedtime. As Amelia’s bedtime is 7pm, if she wakes up from her second or third nap before 4pm, she needs to have another before I put her down for the night! It’s a bit of a nightmare. It’ll be nicer when she can stay awake for longer without getting too grouchy.

Amelia's getting stronger by the day:

and cuter by the day:

The reason she's wearing a hat in all these photos is because she keeps scratching her head at the moment! She's either itching her cradle cap or thinking very hard...

Life with a baby: my therapy

I feel like I’ve had a tough few weeks: we’ve all been ill, I’ve been more emotional than usual, and we’re all a little sleep deprived.

I’m writing this entry as a kind of therapy. On my journey of motherhood so far, two things have struck me: it’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be (but, as my mum often asks me, “who told you it’d be easy?!”) and all other mothers seem to cope better than me. I love looking after Amelia and I can’t remember what my life was like without her, but the past five months have been very emotional! I can’t pinpoint what it is that upsets me some days, but I’ve now learned that it’s okay to cry sometimes.

New mothers don’t talk about their feelings enough. It hasn’t been until recently when I’ve told a few friends how hard I’ve been finding motherhood, that I’ve realised they felt the same when their little ones were Amelia’s age! When I look at all my friends who have had babies, or other mothers at my baby groups, they always look so calm and happy and well kept. I’m very happy – blissfully, of course – but I keep thinking to myself I’m sure no one else finds it this hard if they’ve got time to do their hair and make up. They do though! I (and I’m sure most other new mothers) imagined that as soon as Amelia was in my arms, every day would be perfect and no matter how much she cried, I’d cope. I absolutely love her unconditionally, but some days I certainly don’t feel like I can cope brilliantly, as I expected I would! I’ve always wanted to be a mother – for as long as I can remember – but that hasn’t made it any easier.

I thank God every day for dear little Amelia, as Mark and I have been incredibly blessed, and know that for every few bad days there always comes one truly wonderful day. However, I've learned that it is okay to admit that motherhood is difficult; no one will judge you, because it’s definitely the hardest job in the world! The hardest job in the world is certainly the best job in the world though...

I've tried to include as many of Amelia's different facial expressions as possible!